OUCH!!!!

While I am writing this momentous blog I am currently laying in my bed unable to move from the waist down. Now I thought about making up a fascinating story involving the Karma Sutra and The Husband or telling you all that a tackled a robber in mid flow but I am sorry to say it is nothing anywhere near as exciting as any of those.

It all happened yesterday when I decided to be ultra domesticated and clean my bedroom windows, I thought that being the young supple thing that I like to think I am it would of been quite safe balancing on the bedside table whilst on the phone whilst trying not to fall out of the window (now that's what you call multitasking to any men out there). So there I was mid conversation about various things to do with choosing The Teenagers option subjects when for some reason only known to the 15 year old inside of me I happily jumped off of the bedside table and landed with the grace of a hippo in traction. Needless to say that the friend on the other end of the phone heard what I can only describe as the worst type of swearing known to man, the type of language that should never leave a ladies mouth and would not of looked out of place on a building site. My friend who is the ultimate lady very politely ignored the filth that left my mouth and carried on the conversation as if nothing had ever happened, I remember commenting afterwards that "that is going to hurt later", little did I realise how much.
Once I had put the phone down I went downstairs and laid on the floor to be on the safe side (usually this works with my back). This was all about 1pm, it was after about 1/2 hour I became aware that I could not move no matter how much I tried that was it I was well and truly stuck.
So I did what any normal person would do in this situation.......... I grabbed a magazine and waited for what seemed like an eternity , you see what I didn't tell you was that because I am such a neat freak I put the phone which is normally glued to me back on the hook which was now situated at the other end of the room up on top of the computer. I did try several attempts at throwing things at it so that it would fall to the floor and then try and train my rather stupid Spaniel in a very short space of time to "FETCH IT" but for those who have met   my gorgeous doggy will understand that he is not the brightest star in the sky, he looked at me for a very long time and just when I thought he may of understood he licked my face and lay down beside me with his head on my chest.
I guess by this time I had been laying for nearly 2 1/2 hours and quite frankly it was sodding uncomfortable. As if by magic the front door suddenly opened like something from Stars In Their Eyes and in walked the Teenager who promptly took one look at me said "having a nap mum"?????. If I wasn't in so much pain and in need of a wee I might of laughed.

So the evening progressed with a mixture of me crying in pain The Teenager having to dress me (trust me this is not something I pictured for many years) The Husband doing his best at crap jokes ie: "Don't worry darling you and your mum (who has no knee caps) can live together and then we will only have to pay for 1 Stanna Stair Lift and sit in bath thingy". And The Whirlwind not finding any of it funny as he thinks I am going to die, this probably stems from the throw away comment I made to The Teenager when I joked about them finding my body 2 weeks down the line with The Spaniel still laying on my chest. Note to self.........10 year old do not find this type of joke amusing.
So here we are now its the day after the day before and my wonderful Mum has driven all the way here at the top speed of 40mph to be at my beck and call, the problem I have now is not so much the excruciating back pain as much as the fact I am now 4 stone heavier due to the huge amount of food being funnel fed to me and not being able to fight her off.
My gorgeous neighbour has kindly delivered  what looks like a sexual implement cleverly disguised as a heat massager. This will be used this evening which was supposed to be Date Night for The Husband and I which we do once a week, this usually involves a lovely dinner with a bottle or 2 of wine, I think this evening may now consist of dinner on a tray and a bottle or 2 of Deep Heat with a side order or strong pain killers. I think the only bedroom activity going on tonight will be when he uses the massager on my lower back. Who says romance is dead !!!!!!!!