Tuesday, 11 June 2013

The Lesser Spotted Teenager.

I'm not going to lie to you all but last week was a bit emotional for me as a mum. I was struggling with something that I had no power over, something so natural yet so frightening....I am talking about .........Time.......And in particular time slipping away to fast for me to catch up with it.........My kids are no longer babies, toddlers, pre-school age, primary school age and one of them is now no longer Secondary school age.....

It all began on Wednesday morning when The Whirlwind burst into our bedroom to announce in a rather loud voice that he had "A" hair under his armpit....Just the one, but it was definitely there for all to see. He towel dried himself very carefully in fear of it falling out and then used "Dads" stronger deodorant just encase. Then he noticed more hair on his legs....Well, that was it..."Yippee" he yelled "I'm a man"............................Everyone else found it thoroughly amusing.........................But I did not....................For me this was the beginning of the end of childhood and the end of reason, humour and cuddles for Mummy. I've seen all the programmes, read all the books and dreaded this moment for months.I've even had to do a quick course in a new language called "Grunting"......................This language resembles a Chewbacca (hairy thing from star wars) noise when asked to do anything remotely concerning leaving the vicinity of the Xbox, it then gets louder the more they protest and results in the very impressive "Door Slam" manoeuvre.

I have also noticed since the arrival of "The Lone Hair" a change in the smell of his room.........................A bit like a cross between a football changing room (after the match) and ......................Well....................How can I put this politely.................................A public lavatory. I have started waiting until he is up and downstairs before flinging the window open to relive the air pressure and then spraying 4 gallons of air freshener until I choke or suffer an asthma attack. The strange thing is that he doesn't even seem to notice the pungent smell and carries on regardless of the Febrezey type fog all around him.

The hair style is another story and now resembles that age old fashionable hair cut know only to Teenagers as "The Bieber".................................He kind of dips his head then flicks it all sideways looking like he has a nervous twitch ever 2 seconds. And if you touch it......Well.....Light The Touch paper and stand back..."MUUUMMMMMMM DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR....IVE JUST GOT IT RIGHT" the strange flicky, Bieber like creature yells at me.

Where has my little boy gone?...What have you done with him Mother Nature and when will I get him back please?....The answer to this unfortunately is ................................"Not for a long time Dear girl"............................................I have come to the conclusion that "If your child smells, grunts, shouts, is prone to mood swings and generally has become unrecognisable then you have a perfectly normal Teenager. Do not fear this and embrace it as the next chapter". I have printed this statement off and am regularly reading it each time I forget that its normal to have this new species living with us.

Its the following Tuesday now and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my little compliable, easily bribed children are now that rare breed of human known as.........The Lesser Spotted Teenager. Up until 2 hours ago I had accepted this and felt strong enough to cope with anything The Teenagers may throw at me (not literally of course) and was feeling quite positive about the challenges ahead...That was until the letter box clanged and a "Plop" was heard followed by a squeal of delight from The Female Teenager..........................."OMG..OMG..............IVE ONLY GOT MY NATIONAL INSURANCE NUMBER MUM" she screamed............................"ITS MY NATIONAL INSURANCE NUMBER MUM, CAN I DRIVE NOW?" she continued as I held the piece of paper in my hand "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" she asked.........................."It means, you have to pay some of your wages to the Government now when you have a job and start earning money" I replied...............................With that she burst into fits of laughter "Yeahhhh, right...What's it really for?" she asked..........................................Bless her...............She actually thinks I'm joking.....Once I had explained it all to her she stared at me with horror and confusion. "God..........I wish I was little again" was the reply as she swept out of the room in disgust...You and me both sweetheart...You and me both.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx




This post has been linked up with the lovely Jaime over on Magic Moments

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23 comments:

  1. Aw, it's tough isn't it? I am going through this too right now and I don't like it! Is The Whirlwind an actual teenager now? (or just smelling like one?!) I remember when my eldest got her first few hairs (down there) she felt it necessary to show me, which was quite sweet really....she's not so keen now!

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    1. Whirlwind is officially a Teen in March so a little while yet...Although I suspect it has started a wee bit earlier than expected. xxxx

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  2. oh god this makes me want to weep - my eldest is 9 and I look at him sometimes and think one day he'll be like this and that's it - teenager years etc. I am not looking forward to it one bit. Thankfully even when they were toddlers I reckoned this was easier than when they would hit the teens. I feel for you I really do. If I were you I would focus on myself a bit more to ease the pain xx

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    1. Thank goodness for all things blogging. We all have each other for tips and advice. I think you might be onto something there sweetie......Does that mean I can have a G&T now??? x

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  3. Oh my goodness! It's scary, isn't it?! I'm reliably informed by his younger brother and sister that my 11yo is growing hair. Sadly my 9yo smells :( I feel sorry for him as he is so young and he is blissfully unaware of it. Even my 7yo princess has started answering me back - although she still expects me to lift her in and out of bed every day, which I'm very grateful for.

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    1. Its a scary time isn't it. Keep strong my lovely xx

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  4. I can see myself starting out on this journey...nearly 8YO is no longer my little boy *stifles sobs*. It was your daughter's reaction to National Insurance that made me laugh out aloud though. Priceless!

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    1. Me too. Good luck with your own journey xxx

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  5. Ahh love this blog. I, too, don't like the fact that Time is moving too quickly. Now all my kids are taller than me when I hug them. It just doesn't feel right. I never want mine to move out!!! I dread the day we are all alone in the house without our kids. I should be looking forward to alone time for me and hubby but I will be secretly sad that my kids are out there on their own. xxxx

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    1. Thankyou Jan. Time is slowly slipping away and I really don't like it. We can all console each other when thy have all gone xx

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  6. Ahhhhh I feel like time is going to fast too. And now you have me worrying about what my house is going to smell like with 3 boys!

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  7. A great post and one that resonates with me - being mum to teen and pre-teen daughters. I love the part about the national insurance number - hilarious! Helen

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    1. Bless her............She really had no clue xx

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  8. Oh my I have all this to come. It must be so hard, I can't even begin to imagine my baby boy becoming a man. Time goes too fast

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    1. It goes so fast, hang on to them as much as you can xx

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  9. You should smell my classroom after a class of Year 8 boys have been in it!

    I will savour my little 'uns....

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  10. As always such a fab post and I will be looking to you for guidance when Lucas reaches this age. You can be my Obi Wan............ #magicmoments

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  11. nooooo!!! not the stinkyness! Ugh...I have 2 boys and well the reason I politely asked for another bathroom was so that I didn't have to share it with boys when they grow up. I feel for you in more ways than one and also would like to keep our compliant boys as young as I can. #magicmoments x

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  12. awww honey i am so feeling your pain at these epic moments!! with beth we are just starting down this road too!

    thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments xx

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Love to hear your comments, and I will always try to reply xxx