Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Confessions To My Husband

Dear Mr DG,

I have a few confessions that I feel I need to share with you. Its been almost 20 years since I met you and in all that time there have been moments that I have told a few white lies. I have decided to get them off my chest in the hope you will never read this forgive me.

Here goes........

1. I purposely take really long showers just as the shopping is about to be delivered. I time it perfectly so I don't have to carry it all in and unpack it. Even when I ask you what time its coming you still haven't cottoned on.

2. When I tell you I'm off out to "run some errands" what I am actually doing is......Shopping....I will hide things in the car and take them out when you have gone to work the next day.

3. When you ask me if I am wearing something new I usually say "Nope....You just haven't noticed"......This is a lie and I have in fact just popped down to the car to retrieve it from the stash I purchased when I was "doing errands".

4. On a night out I am actually made up of 60% Nylon, 30% Spandex and only 10% woman. I am sweaty and uncomfortable as well as finding it hard to breathe.....Please do not attempt to initiate sex when we get home until I have peeled my self out of it allowing my body to recover and swing freely.

5. When I make those little noises in my sleep that you find so cute I am in fact dreaming that Hugh Jackman has followed me back on Instagram and is my biggest fan.............

I hope aren't too cross and I promise not to do any of them any more.....................................Sorry................................I'm laughing at myself now................................What I actually promise is to never show you this blog post.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

38 comments:

  1. A woman after my own heart. Made me laugh out loud!

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  2. Ha ha ha, you're a very brave woman! And a very funny one too ;) x x

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    1. I'm banking on him not reading it to be honest. xxxxx

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  3. LOL I love this! Thanks for the tips, particularly about hiding those shopping sprees oh and the timing of the shower!

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  4. hehe that's given me a chuckle today.

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  5. I love this!! I do the disappearing upstairs when shopping is coming trick as well!

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  6. hahah love this , and it is soo most definatly true x

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  7. Ha ha ha I love this post! There are always going to be little white lies. I can just imagine you dashing back and forth with bags of shopping as soon as hes gone to work lol x

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    1. Thanks Kirsty.....Its a great way to keep fit xx

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  8. *giggles a lot* brilliant post- hope he doesnt read it though, so you can carry on getting away with it all!

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    1. So do I Sonya............Its ok....I will hide the laptop in the boot with all my new shoes xx

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  9. Ha ha! Brilliant. I can identifying with a lot of these, Thanks for making me smile. x

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  10. I just take long showers so I can have time off from the children! Great post.

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    1. That should of been number 6 Jenny xxx

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  11. Ha this is hilarious. I do the shopping thing too. Me and my best friend used to say we were going window shopping then both hide all the bags and get them out later! Too poor nowadays though!

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  12. Great post and very brave to bare all!

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    1. Im only brave because I don't think he will read it lol xxx

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  13. lol! I love this - totally get the swing freely after a night out bit too!

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    1. Thanks hun......Nothing feels better than a bit of booby freedom x

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  14. hehe If I had a confession to make (IF HAHA) it would be I purposely make out I can't do something so in your 'Me Tarzan' mode you take over - I've had my partner do the hoovering 3 times this week because of the new hoover 'oh its soo hard to push this one' :D

    Girl power at it's best
    x

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    1. Ooooo good one....I need to remember that xx

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  15. Ahh completely brilliant- love the 10% woman thing and I am totally with you on that one! When I say I'm going on a few errands it normally means I'm off to my fav café for a vanilla latte and a gossip with a mate- that's why I am gone so long as you can never have just 1 latte!! :)

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    1. 1 Latte is never enough and a slice of cake or 2......Maybe that's why I need Spandex xxxx

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  16. This has made me giggle-thank you!

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  17. haha this made me laugh! I do the pretend 'no I've had it AGES thing too' :)

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  18. I can relate to all these, but shhhhhh......don't tell mine lol

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  19. Haha love this! I must remember the 'doing errands' one! :)

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Love to hear your comments, and I will always try to reply xxx